I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
