May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Holy sore nipples Batman
My vagina is officially offended.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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