Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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