is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
