where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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