I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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