yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
