Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
