ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
