I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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