I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
