My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
