I hate your face
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
