I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
