I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
