People in love make me want to vomit
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
