Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
