No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
