shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
