2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
