Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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