So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
