The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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