I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
