The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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