i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
