uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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