Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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