I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
