I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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