He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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