Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
