You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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