he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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