I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
