I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
