Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
