I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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