Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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