he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
