Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
