I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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