we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
