Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
