just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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