So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
