she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
