I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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