somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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