You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
