i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
