No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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