you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
